Male sexual abuse: a victim’s story

As part of our 2-week camapign on male sexual abuse which ended a week ago, we asked male victims of sexual abuse to share their experience with us. We were able to get five male victims who were open to share their ordeal with us. They experienced sexual abuse at a young age, between the ages of  7 and 16. Their stories were shared on our social media pages. This is the last story and the victim gives details of his ordeal from the age of 16. Find the full story below:

“My encounter with sexual abuse began during my time in Senior High School, when I was 16. I had come home for vacation and my parents were out of the country.  I was alone at home. My mum owned a hairdressing salon which she left in the care of one young lady, who also regularly checked up on me.

One evening she closed from the salon and told me she wanted to take her bath before going because she had to attend a program. She called me to the room to get  her something from her bag. I went in only for me to see her naked. I was shocked and quickly closed the door. She asked me to come in and there was nothing wrong. When I got in, she asked if I’ve been with a girl before, and  I said no.

At that moment, it was fascinating to see her stark naked. She showed me where to touch her, and I did as she directed. We proceeded to play with each others genitals. Right then, a friend of mine who was coming to visit rang the doorbell and this interrupted what we were doing, so I went to meet him at the door.

The next day it continued. I had become desperate to continue in the act. She also leveraged on this  to spend the money my parents sent me. She would even make me touch her in her menses. The images in my head either made me too aroused to concentrate or the problem of my parents knowing haunted me and scared me to the bone. I was constantly  fighting within with my lust, fear and my faith. As a christian, I knew I had to stay pure.

During the next vacation, I went to stay with my grandmother  because I was scared. This lady called me one day and told me she had a boyfriend now who was even having sex with her and doing it better than me. I became jealous. After I went to school the following term, my mother sacked her for mismanaging the salon when she was away.

I became addicted to pornography because she was no longer there to satisfy my urges. It was an emotional turmoil. When I finally completed Senior High School, I was no longer attracted to either girls or boys.

I didn’t want to have  anything to do with sex again. When I went to university, I became friends with a lady I was sexually attracted to for the first time in years. So I misinterpreted it as love. I would move mountains for her but she treated me badly. My friends knew about how I did everything for this girl and she ended up cheating on me but they didn’t know that underneath I was holding on because she was the only one I was attracted to.

She also used me like a sex toy. We would get intimate in one minute and the next minute, she would drive me out of her room. I didn’t want sex, neither did she, so she would only allow me play with her genitals. I wasn’t getting satisfied sexually so I resorted to masturbation. I eventually left her.

When I tried getting over her and everything, I met another girl. She was more of the church girl. She invited me to her room for a massage one time and we ended up kissing and getting intimate.

Next, she wanted more but I realised it was a mistake because I was still getting over the other lady. One time she faked an illness. I went in to help and she locked the door. She forced me to touch her. I have a scar on my thigh and chest because she burned me with a hot iron. I could not erect for her so I begged her I would use my fingers instead, which she agreed. I blocked her completely after that incidence.

However, we were in the same group in church.  I hardly participated in church.

I spoke to a psychologist and with the help of God I overcame all that.

The rippling effect of something that started in 2010. I completely became free in 2017. 7 years of ups and downs, I still haven’t told my parents about the first lady.

I hardly tell anyone about it. I’m in a happy healthy relationship now thanks to God and professional help”.